Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Christmas baking and holiday giving

I'm starting my Christmas baking this weekend. I do this fully understanding J can't eat it. Which is fine, I really don't want it in the house. But that brought up questions about what to do with it once it's baked. Sure, I'll give some to his family when we have the family open house. Who wouldn't? Work will, of course, also be a recipient of the bounty.

J mentioned that we could take it to a homeless shelter, which is a good idea, but I worry that home baking won't be accepted. There really is no way to ensure that the baking is safe. Who knows, I could be some deranged, murderous baker planning to poison the needy. Or am I just being paranoid?

Then I considered visiting some seniors homes and offering the baked goods. I'm sure they'd appreciate it, but once again - would it be accepted?

I know that there are concerns about this kind of thing. There are a lot of nutjobs out there, but I suppose I'll call around and see if anyone is interested in donated baked stuff. If not, I suppose the office and family will benefit even more.

The good news? I'm going to be heading out this week to pick up some items for WIN House and donating them. If I can't donate my baking, I can at least donate something that is needed.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Wow, do I need direction

I feel somewhat lost in a sea of people who know what they want and where they're going in life. I'm just here, bobbing along, unhappy with the status quo but not sure how to fix it.

I guess most important is my grandfather. He's had cancer for a couple of years now and opted to do nothing about it. Now it isn't good. He was taken to the city a couple days ago because the small town hospital could no longer do anything for him and he needs greater pain management. It's sad watching him and knowing that the end is coming. It's what he wants. But it is extremely painful to watch.

Add in a little family feud between my family and Dad's brother's family. They appear to believe that all decisions being made about Grandpa are wrong, but want nothing more to do with it than argue about it and point fingers. The next few months prove to be extremely stressful for my parents and brother's family. I seem to be left out of it because I'm so far away, but I still get Mom venting at me about how they're being treated. Merry Christmas!

I'm starting to rethink my decision to leave development. It was a mistake. I'm directionless and really a fish out of water in the BA role. I may have to talk to my new team lead about programming roles in the new team.

The wedding is postponed/called off for now. Not because of any actual problems. I just question why I'm getting married when I'm not sure I believe in the institution. Throw in my issues with saying vows I've already shown mean nothing with a divorce, and it really makes sense to just not do it at this point. While I'd love to have a pretty new dress and throw a party, it probably isn't the best reason to get married :) Don't get me wrong, I love him and I'm absolutely crazy about him, but I also have to be true to what I want. Luckily he doesn't care.

My writing. Ugh. I've been trying so hard to get this off the ground again. It's going nowhere. I have no plot, no characters, no conflict...nothing. But the prevalence of my night terrrors indicate I have something going on in my head, it's just opted to stay in my subconscious rather than coming out to play. Great.

Travel. Yeah, we're planning a trip for J's birthday. What? I have no idea. Right now it looks like a last minute deal somewhere warm and beachy.