Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Here I sit at the farm, tomorrow is the funeral for my last grandparent. Grandpa. He lived to be 88 and saw a lot in his time here. From farming with horses to farm equipment that'll drive itself down the field. He lived a good, long life and was ready to go, whether or not we were ready for him to go.

I watch my nephew struggle with the reality. "Great Grandpa's spirit goes to heaven tomorrow?" he asked tonight at dinner. Then told me and J that he missed us. You know he understands but he's still too young to really understand.

We sat tonight working on the eulogy. Such a hard exercise. What to say about a quiet, unobtrusive man? How to comment on his independence and love for his family? How do you get that into a short few paragraphs withought all 5 of us bawling around the table?

I'm still not feeling. I try to cry and know I've lost, but I don't feel. I don't feel a lot lately. I stare at others around me and wonder how they can not see that I'm not like them. It's weird. Just a shell. There's nothing anymore.

Just a shell.

Monday, January 12, 2009

I love cupcakes

I baked this weekend (along with the two pots of yummy soup) and the results were fantastic. Vanilla cupcakes with a mango cream cheese buttercream icing. And by Mango, I mean Malibu Mango rum.

I was too nervous to try the Iron cupcake challenge this month - I have no idea how to bake with Champagne, but I probably should have tried it. Hmmm, a strawberry & champagne cupcake with champagne buttercream... Dammit. The last thing I need in my house is more cupcakes.

I baked them using silicone baking cups. They're a wonderful little invention on their own.

I baked Saturday and just had a cupcake for lunch and it's still moist and tasty. Yay for moist and tasty.

Monday, January 05, 2009

Happy belated New Year

Well, I've spent the last week coughing, sneezing and sniffling my way through the New Year hoopla. While some might consider such affliction to be Karma, I say, nay. Karma had many, much more important, people and places to visit on such an occasion. To suggest that I am important enough for such attention at such an important time of year would really inflate my importance to the world. Let's face it, I'm just another ant in the farm moving my little grain of sand.

I might even suggest that this past year, I've done little that warrants a visit from Karma. I believe she's dallied long enough over the whole divorce thing (what with the pneumonia and all), then there was the "bad choices in dating" period which she cleared up with a bout of mono. I do wish she's stop with using disease, but I suppose that's the only time I sit down (or lie down and whine) and take notice.

This past cold could be considered my "reward" for attempting some fair-weather winter outdoor adventuring (aka Cross Country Skiing). But I refuse to believe that. Simply because I had a great time while adventuring outdoors in the fantastically fair weather we were graced with between Christmas and New Year's.

It has been awhile since I posted my pondering for all (ok, no one) to read. Mainly because I've been busy. November and December saw a flurry of festive finagling, including a brunch for our families, a pre-Christmas dinner for his Dad's side of the family in the city, a wine and chocolate night for some friends and I and much Wii-ing and WoW-ing all around.

I'm actually looking at starting a couple of new blogs - one for our entertaining (mmmm bourbon glazed ham!) and one for my baking (port-soaked cherry brownies).

And for Zig, I've removed all trace of the previous, secret, third blog that no one got to read, nor would anyone want to read it other than the fact that I mentioned it was secret, thus increasing interest in it. :)