Tuesday, April 05, 2005

It's spring

I woke early this morning, don't ask when - I didn't want to look at the clock, to hear rain falling. I don't really remember being awake very long, but like the farm girl I am, that brought a smile to my face. If I had to worry about driving to work this morning, the sound might've concerned me, but since I take the bus, all was well.

When I finally did drag my butt out of bed and started my walk to the bus, I couldn't believe how spring like it felt outside. Ok, so I could see my breath, but many a time while camping out west, I've crawled my way out of the tent and been able to see my breath. The sun was still giving off an orange glow as I walked along, listening to the birds. I don't know what bird it is, but it's one I hear every time I go camping.

Ok, you might be seeing a trend here - I'm thinking about camping. Except for the small amount of snow still hanging around (don't get me wrong, I've camped in snow before too) this morning just felt like a perfect day to be camping. And fishing, but...well...that won't be happening unless it's stream fishing I guess. It's just not quite the same as being out on a smooth as glass lake as the sun comes up.

So, with camping on my mind...hmmm, it was on my mind before I left the house. I remember waking up and thinking about the coolers. Anyway, with camping on my mind, I thought I'd check with my ex to see if he knew what happened to the coolers we lent to NASAP last year for homeless animals day. I made the mistake (I know, I know, dumbass) of mentioning I wondered where they were because I wanted to go camping this summer.

He said he hadn't heard from them - NASAP, not the coolers. Then MSN showed typing for a bit...then nothing and a message wasn't posted. I know what he was thinking. Same thing he asks when I tell him I'm going out to a movie or for dinner. "Who with?" It was kinda refreshing that for once he managed to restrain himself. I decided to be nice, and reassure him I'd be camping on my own. Besides, I don't have anyone in my life I'd go camping with aside from my family - and I think that would be a little too much contact with other people. And I really don't want him thinking that I am seriously seeing anyone. Yes...I'm still too worried about hurting him. But the truth is my plans are to camp on my own and if that makes him feel better, then is telling him that the worst thing I could do?

I'm still not sure where I'd like to go camping. I might even poke around the Yoga In the Rockies site to see what she has going on this summer. I have more than enough time to figure something out. Besides, any of my plans will depend on when I end up selling my house and moving. I'd hate to book a yoga trip then end up moving on that weekend.

Ok, enough about camping which won't happen for another couple months. Spring is here and what's it known for? Hmmmm? Anybody? Yup, that's right - love. It's the season where we're all supposed to get twitterpated (gotta love Thumper) and find Mr. or Mrs. Right. As you know...I've been looking, although I'm fairly certain I can wait for Mr. Right.

The dating thing is interesting for someone who's never done it much. There have been dates. Good and bad, but they've been there. On one dating site, I met a police officer. Nice enough guy, for a guy just finalizing his divorce. His wife got their 2 kids. I'm fairly certain he was still bitter. I've talked to all kinds of people online. Some are nice, some are odd... there are only a few I've ever actually met in person. And you've seen the results of the one nutcase I met. Luckily he seemed odd from the start and I never met him.

I've been smiled at by a cousin...that's just icky. Although, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he didn't recognize me. I've had men from 44-56 sending me smiles and flirts. The sad, depressing part of that is I probably get more interest from that age group than the ones closer to my age.

The medic is unreliable, the law student wants to be friends. The corrections officer seems nice enough - for someone from BC. The masseuse is related to people I grew up with. The loans officer in the bank is bothered by the short period of time I've been separated, and the other geek might feel better if the divorce was final. Some don't like sushi - sorry, that's required. Others don't like cats - another requirement...I have two. I'm sure some think I'm serious when I joke about becoming a crazy cat lady.

Some people I talk to just disappear. Others have been married - yes... married. Not separated. Just married. Some are just looking to fool around and make that clear from the start. I've been asked if I like sex in public. I've even been asked for phone sex. Ooohhhh I was even asked to be part of a threesome with a guy and his fiancee. I've also received pictures that would've been better off never sent. When it all comes down to it, there are a lot of nuts out there.

I've had smiles from Calgary, Edson, Grande Prairie, Peace River, and Nunavit. I've been to a Starbucks, a Steeps, a couple BP's and some movies. Oh, and a Tim Horton's. There are guys who don't seem interested in anything other than chatting online. Others who don't want to chat, they want to meet ASAP. Most are in the middle somewhere.

I've gotten to the point where I'm not all that nervous anymore. Ok, so I'm not totally relaxed, but in some ways it just doesn't matter. I enjoy their company, and if we make it to a second date fine, if not... oh well. Maybe I'm already bitter enough that I don't expect it to make it to a second date. And certainly never a third. I definitely am at a point where I won't trust easily. It seems for a lot of guys, a woman in my situation makes a convenient target. And I need to keep my butt out of that kind of trouble.


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