Saturday, March 26, 2005

Kissing too many frogs

Well well well. Here I am. Successful computer chick. Not half bad the right light...I have a good laugh and a great sense of humor. But I am now the single one in a group of married people. So, for a girl who's never been single in this city... how do I meet people? My married friends have been married long enough that they no longer have single friends. Then again, I'm just ending the relationship caused by my last blind date. Do I want to do THAT again? chick and all, I figured why not try online dating? So I did. I'm on my third online dating site and seriously questioning the validity of the entire experience. Sure, when you get a smile or a's a great ego boost. But then you smile at someone and...nothing in return. Ouch. Even better. You have a date, then a second and a third with someone and you enjoy their company. You aren't exactly setting a date and checking out the white dresses, but you are thinking maybe, just maybe this is someone you could hang out with a bit. Maybe introduce to your friends. You stop checking online for smiles every day. It soon gets down to once a week and you certainly aren't making an effort to smile at anyone.

But you notice something, everytime you're online, the person you've been dating has been online too. So... you check more often and sure enough they're online more often. Right down to daily. The questions start. Maybe this guy isn't so interested in me - after all, he's still looking all the time. What if he's just killing time with me until someone better comes along? How many other girls IS he dating. Do I even matter, or is he just killing time with me.

The rules have changed. Fine, so I've spent about 10 years out of this game, and I never really spent enough time in the game back then to know the old rules. What are the new ones? Should I expect someone I meet online to be dating multiple girls at the same time? Or just working some other ones in case things don't work out with me? Hell, how do I tell if I guy is interested? They don't seem to call at all anymore. None of them. Well, ok, one or two, just in case they read this ;)

Should I just be me and be honest about what I'm thinking? Everyone claims to hate games, but when I go with honesty I don't hear from the guy anymore. Is it a bad thing to tell a guy I like spending time with him? Do guys like the challenge of a girl who doesn't appear interested? Should I ignore my phone and pretend to be offline just so he has to work for it?

Just tell me this...if someone is interested in me, why can't they just be honest with me about it? Just say "yeah, I like you. Let's do stuff." Is it so bad to plan things with me? Set up some dates with me? Why do I always feel like I'm planning things and setting up the dates? So for now, I give up. I have one profile remaining online. I know my separation is an issue for some. And I can't blame anyone for that. I myself have advised friends to run fast and far from men who are in the process of a divorce.

My final pet peeve about the whole dating experience...unreliable men. Guys who call, even call often...potentially even regularly. They'll call from work. They'll call from home. They even call as they're leaving the gym. They make dates with me. Woo hoo.... hope! Not only is he interested, but he doesn't expect me to do all the work. But... oh wait... another phone call...can't make it tonight. Working too much, too tired. In reality, he hates the drive from the west end to as far east as you can get in the park. He asks me all the time if people have looked at the house. How the sale is going. So yeah, he likes me, but there's a limit to how far he's willing to go to be with me. So maybe tonight won't work, but how about Tuesday? He'll pick me up from work. And those are his days off so he won't be tired, he assures me.

So I agree. Knowing I won't believe it until his car is parked outside at 4:30. And I'll wonder why I keep agreeing to go on dates with this guy I expect to cancel on me. I'll swear I'm going to end it with him, then chicken out. Let's face it, the only person I've ever ended a relationship with is my ex-husband... or soon to be ex husband. And that sucked. It's not something I want to repeat. Which is the same reason I should end this now because I can see the guy is selfish. I know better.

So I sit on my couch watching City Confidential and practicing what I should say to him. The problem is, he's always got a good reason for cancelling...well, not so much this last time. Like T would say, "he's just not that into you, Erin." And it's true. If he was interested, a drive across the city couldn't be such a problem. I tell myself it's a good way to kill a night, dates with him. But really, there's a limit to how many nights I'm killing when most of the time I'm listening to another excuse for why he can't make it.

Am I looking for forever...right now? No. I'm looking for someone I can count on. Someone I like being with. Someone who makes me laugh and treats me like the wonderful girl I am. Cause I am pretty darned wonderful! Maybe I'm just looking for some friends, people in my life who care about me and can be there for me when I need them. Forever can wait. And you can be darned sure I'm not doing forever again unless I'm sure it's going to work.

Oh! Hey, I bought a Cooking Light magazine. That means I can access the recipes on the website. I've gotta go search out some good food. Spending Easter Sunday by myself, might as well have some good food and, of course, good wine.


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