Monday, March 28, 2005

A general need to rant

Ok, so I changed the name of my blog because I really wasn't answering any questions. Well, other than perhaps questions on my sanity. So since I appear to be pretty much talking about the whole roller coaster ride of emotions that make up my little life transition, we'll go with Starting Over. Since that's what I'm doing. On with the rant.

I chatted with my ex this morning. Now, I'm frustrated. More than a little. I can't afford to live from month to month... ok, last month the brier affected my spending more than I should've allowed, but still! And he's walking around with new Oakley sunglasses. But ask him to take on the boat payment and he says no. LOL, last weekend he bought raffle tickets on a quad...he won the quad.

I can't afford to put gas in my car. I'm looking at my chances of actually buying a house here in Edmonton and it's not looking good. Well, I shouldn't say that quite yet. There are some that might actually fall into my price range, but that doesn't mean they'll be houses that would be a good investment for me... or that they're in a neighborhood where I wouldn't need a large dog for security. And the additional food and vet bills required to keep him around. Not that I'm against having a dog, I just don't want to pick one based on the size of his teeth.

And I might be being a little cranky today, but... dammit, I'm living in a house that is not supposed to look lived in. It takes me an extra 10 minutes to get ready in the morning (so much for breakfast) because I need to run through the house to make sure the cats haven't left a hairball I didn't notice. And god forbid I don't make the bed. Or leave a towel on the floor. So far I've even managed to hit the hamper with my underwear - almost a miracle in itself. There's also the need to ensure all glasses are properly hidden in the dishwasher. Ditto for forks, knives and plates. I'm sweeping up cat food crumbs daily. Cat hair too. Darned cats. I'm starting to think that its maybe not such a bad idea to shave them. An added bonus: Tigger wouldn't be in such a hurry to run out the door the second it's opened. At least as long as it's still cold out.

I've packed pretty much everything so far. And it appears as though the job of patching holes in living room walls and repainting will also be my job. Same with taking down the bear rugs on the walls going upstairs and patching those holes. I asked my ex once to clean up in the basement. I'm really not sure what he thinks he did, but nothing was really done. In the garage, he managed to put the cans and bottles for recycling into plastic garbage bags...oooooh, job well done.

So through this all, I'm doing the majority of the work. Ok, so he's inconvenienced because he's living in a friend's basement, which I understand is a separate basement suite anyway. And he's paying minimal rent on that. Meanwhile everytime someone wants to look at my house, I have to find something else to do, somewhere else to be for usually about an hour. And before that, I need to vacuum and clean everything in sight. I haven't been able to wash my good work clothes for a month now because they're hang dry and with my luck, I'd get them hung up to dry and someone would want to come see the house.

He's looking at buying a brand new house. I'm looking at houses 50+ years old that very likely will need a lot of maintenance. In addition to being teeny, tiny little dwellings. But that is my choice, and that's the type of house I want. I just want to be able to afford it. It drives me nuts that we're looking at houses about $40,000 apart in value. He doesn't have a car payment (hello company truck!), so a mortgage is easier for him to handle to start with.

Ok, so now I'm sounding petty and jealous. Well, dammit, I am. Give me my moment on this. I have a good job. I work just as hard as he does and I don't get my curling paid for. I don't get a company vehicle. If I go out for lunch...I buy, not the company or some supplier. I don't win anything (well, other than the 50/50 at curling that one night) and certainly not $8500 quads. I don't get a quarterly or annual bonus... oh wait, I might get the annual one. But that's a year away yet. I just get frustrated by the whole situation.

And all I'm asking is for him to take on the boat payment. Oh, and cancel the freaking RRSP's I'm still paying for. Yes... still. His boat. His RRSPs. Now I understand why people get so mad during divorce. It sucks and, as it was when we were married, he continues to take advantage of my niceness (for lack of a better word, so "feisty" I can't even think straight!). He drives me nuts.

Ok, I can smile again now. He actually offered to help me move. Yup, because I want him there while I'm moving into my tiny little house. Or apartment. Right now that move is going to involve.... Robyn and hopefully several male friends. Most of whom are easily bribed with beer... or wine. And most of whom consider me to be like a little sister. So, guys of Roam... I'll be calling in the next few months. Don't worry, it'll involve beer and pizza. And one rule - no talk of Roam. Oh, and one of you has to drive since I'll be in the back with the beer.


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