Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Music that just...Fits.

Ever picked up a cd or turned on the radio and just had a song hit you? If you haven't right now you're thinking I'm nuts. But I tell you sometimes the songs just strike a chord. Fit exactly what I'm going through at the time.

Six months ago, it was Chris Cagle's Look at What I've Done. Now, if you're not a country fan... heck, even if you are, you probably haven't heard this song. I bought the CD mid-separation. You can find the lyrics here: http://www.lyricscafe.com/c/cagle_chris/cagle23.html. I couldn't believe it when I heard the song. One night my ex told me he was worried about me if we separated. Didn't think I could "take care of myself." Can you feel the love? The respect? The sad part, I thought he might have a valid point, until I heard this song.

Silly, I know. But sometimes it just takes something small to give a person hope. In this case it made me think about what he was saying. And I realized it was ridiculous. I lived on my own for a couple years in Calgary before I married him. OK, so I was still at DeVry and Mom and Dad were helping with the bills, but sheesh, it's been 10 years and things have changed. I have a good job and believe it or not, I've matured! I know, I know, scary thought.

Well, today I went and bought a couple new CD's. One is Chely Wright's The Metropolitan Hotel. The second song, "Back of the Bottom Drawer"...describes last night perfectly. Lyrics are here: http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/wright-chely/back-of-the-bottom-drawer-15162.html. First it made me feel better about my packrat side. And it's not the worst thing in the world for me to hold on to stuff like poems from my first boyfriend. Ok... they got destroyed in a mysterious shredding incident. In my defense... they sucked. A poet he was not. And it was a cleansing experience after I moved in with T. Kinda symbolic of walking away from the past.

The card from my first boyfriend... Ditto, still have that. Found it awhile ago while I was cleaning a closet out. It went right back into that box of memories. Along with a card from my best friend giving me hell for spending too much time with the loser. Lesson learned, listen to your friends. They usually know wayyyyy more than you do!

No Mardi Gras beads for me, just some small souveneirs from a weekend in vegas. Memories from a week in Texas. Hurricanes and an empty stomach... bad combination. But I didn't fall into the Canal at the riverwalk. I am still considering going back to see if they really do keep margaritas in the one water tower... A girl can dream can't she?

It's all about lessons learned. And a little about the good times and good memories. Just because things didn't work out, doesn't mean it was all bad. Even with Clayton...abusive ass that he was. There are still good memories. Good times. If not do you really think I would've stuck around? Hey! I'm not that much of a dumbass. Even back then.

The beauty of The Metropolitan Hotel is there's more. Yup. Not just one song that fits my life for my money. The third song on the CD, "I got him ready for you," reflected some of the concerns I had. Lyrics...http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/wright-chely/i-got-him-ready-for-you-15163.html

Again, something my ex said to me makes this one significant. He commented on the good changes that happened to him because of me and my family. It bugged me at the time. I'm like... yeah, I did all this work and some other girl will get the reward. Ohh, no, it was when he told me that how much he wants to travel now. At some point, I got over the absolute rage that caused in me. It's all I wanted him to figure out earlier. I leave and he figures it's time to find out why I'm so interested. Kidding. I'm all good now.

The song made me laugh because I have considered how I'll feel when he starts dating again. But hey, I know now I'm not alone. Other people go through the same things. And he can look at me and some new guy and think "she never used to touch fish! I taught her to take them off a hook." Or something like that.

Guess what, there is yet another song that brought back memories. Your Shirt - Lyrics...http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/wright-chely/your-shirt-15167.html. I did this with Clayton. I had one of his shirts after we broke up. I can still picture the damned thing. It was SOOOOO ugly. really. Seriously. That's not bitterness talking. Heck, I kept the darned thing! It still smelled like him. And many nights I went to sleep holding on to it so I wouldn't feel quite so alone. I was tempted to do this with one of Trevor's shirts, but I'm really not willing to hold onto the past quite so much anymore. Not this time.

K, that's it. Enough songs that describe my life in the past.

At some point I'd like Chris Cagle's "What a beautiful day" or "My love goes on and on" to describe my life. But my time will come.

God, I've just spent almost an hour comparing my life to song lyrics. Excuse me while I go bury myself in a good suspense novel and think about people being murdered. Much better use of my time, don't ya think? Been thinking too much lately.


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