Sunday, December 10, 2006

What a difference a day makes.

Friday I was terrified.

Saturday, the span of 10 seconds changed my life. I stopped in time. Barely avoided hitting the girl in front of me. As I took a deep breath and said to J "Thank god, I thought we were going to ..." I heard a thump and my car was pushed forward.

My car is toast. It's a good 2 feet shorter than when it started out in the morning, it is clearly twisted and the back bumper is dragging on the ground. I was sick about it yesterday. Held it together though. Dealt with the police. Dealt with the little old man who was driving the other car. Sat with J and waited at the hospital. He, on the other hand... he was out taking pictures of the accident. He got witness names and numbers. He hugged me when I got out of the car and first saw the damage I thought would be minimal. He called his friend to pick us up.

He asked me to call an ambulance when he just about passed out. He still wanted to help me get stuff out of my car and be there to talk to the tow truck driver. B did for him. An excellent stand-in.

J hugged me when I burst into tears when we got home over 9 hours later. He got up this morning and went looking at used vehicles, new vehicles, and trying to get me an idea what I'd get from insurance for my car. He made me breakfast and kissed my forehead. He left me on the couch reading when I couldn't sleep and just wanted to be alone. He left me B's number in case I need anything while J is out of town. He drove around with me this afternoon, looking at vehicles. Helping me feel better.

He was stability when everything around me seemed to be collapsing.

Then tonight over dinner he told me that he was sorry this happened to me, to us. He thinks he got the brunt of the injury because he can take pain and I can't. He offered to take me to SK for the holidays if I don't get a rental through insurance. He said that he can be the rock, but he is upset for me. That he does feel it but he knew I needed strength rather than someone else freaking out. He understood my tears were fear that I can't afford another car. That I'll get screwed by insurance.

I said to him last night as we fell asleep, "I'm really not nuts you know." and he said, "I never thought you were." When I joked about selling my condo to pay for a new vehicle, he joked that I'd be moving in with him. Then added "I wouldn't mind it in the least" when I denied that was my plan.

I've gone from fear to understanding. He is in my life for a reason. He wants to be there. He knows I've considered running and he didn't bat an eye.


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