Friday, December 01, 2006


He’s getting married. Part of me is angry. Jealous as hell. And whining like a kid. It should be me that’s happy first. I know, life isn’t fair. But it just seems so wrong that he go and find someone else so quickly. So easily. And here I am. Struggling. Starting over again.

I’m not a horrible person. I’ve tried to just be me and get through this life with some sense of doing things right. Yet I feel like just as I’m getting my feet under me again, something else comes along.

Just last night I started to get some perspective on one situation in my life and wham, today I’m (somewhat) blindsided again. It hurts. He would’ve called me but he was afraid J would answer the phone. Ha. That would mean that J and I are answering each other’s phones. We aren’t. I’ve been at his house and listened to the phone ring J but I won’t answer it. Just seems a huge invasion.

My phone never rings so I can’t see J answering it if it did. He might just look at it like it sprouted a head or something. Even Tigg has stopped moving when the phone rings – he’s forgotten that could mean him getting tossed.

Married. News I wasn’t ready to hear, but I knew it was coming. He said he’s not sure how he’ll deal with it when I get married. I told him he won’t get advance warning. It’ll just happen. I’ll go away and come back and say “I’m married.”

He’s happy. G’s happy. Everyone has a future with someone…else. I’m terrified what I have is too good to be true.

Regrets and the past are all well and good, but it’s the past for a reason and it’s time for me to move on and let him do the same. I have to let T get married. Heh, not much I can do to stop it. Although some days I wouldn’t mind being the crazy ex-wife.

Today I just feel crazy.


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