Wednesday, November 29, 2006

What an odd night. First, I went to turn on my computer when I got home and I fried it. Well, hopefully just the power supply. Push the power button and…nothing. No big deal. Just wanted a way to kill some time before curling. Decided to call J to find out what I could’ve destroyed with that one electric shock… Yeah yeah. Computer programmer and I don’t know.

When I went to call J, there was a message on my phone. Curling game cancelled. Other team couldn’t make it. Likely didn’t want to go out in the cold. Or they’re scared of us. Ha ha. If only. So there I sat. Long, cold night ahead and no computer to kill time. I’m quickly learning how much I rely on the internet through the day to kill the hours.

Decided instead of crashing on the couch all night, I’d rearrange some furniture and get that Christmas tree put up so… by 8:30 I had a fully decorated tree, a mess in my living room and 2 cats trying their damnedest to get to the breakable glass ornaments rather than those cheap unbreakable plastic ones. I even have a picture of a Bailey under the tree having a nap.

And I cried. Sat looking at my poor, unevenly decorated, fake tree (darned pets), and I broke into tears. The first Christmas alone, I didn’t bother with a tree. It had been all of 2 months since I’d come home to him packing his bags so I really didn’t feel Christmas-y. So this is the second tree I’ve decorated alone. It’s a little odd. Ok. A lot odd. I’m used to family around me and…stuff. So that was likely what the tears were about. Oh, fine. I know what the tears were about.

I missed my marriage. Odd. Over 2 years later and I was in tears over something that made me unhappy. I didn’t miss my actual marriage, I suppose. I missed what I wanted it to be. I missed having someone else there to laugh at the cats trying to figure out the tree, someone to help find that one missing cord end – stupid pre-lit trees. I missed having someone taller than me to hang those ornaments at the top of the tree. Had to get a chair and do it myself. I missed drinking something hot while sitting on the floor wrapped in someone’s arms, staring at the tree.

And I missed my one other tradition for the holidays. For that night the tree gets set up. Sadly, it’s something that can’t be done alone. Oh, fine, it’s silly, but it’s just something.

Bah. I’m gonna stick with my other traditions. Donating toys to Santa’s Anonymous, putting up decorations and lights. Watching every Christmas movie that they play on TV – repeatedly. Already at 2 for White Christmas. ½ for Charlie Brown. Finally gave up at 9:30 last night and crawled into bed. Out like a light.

One tradition I don’t have to worry about this year – hoping for snow and a white Christmas. I was kinda hoping for some snow elves to come clean my driveway after the weekend though. Ugh. Did do something last night that made me feel good. I'll find a way to share Christmas if it kills me.


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