Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I have a flaw.

Oh... drop the fake surprised look. I know. I have many. We all do - in theory. Refusing to accept we have flaws may be considered a huge flaw. But what do I know?

Anyway, this post is about a specific flaw. Optimism.

What's that, you say? How can Optimism be a flaw? Well, let me just say that normally it isn't. There are two sides to every quality though. Sometimes the good can have a bad. Usually when it's taken too far.

Well, for me. I have this stupid belief that everyone is good. So I deliberately seek out the good. I try to find the good rather than looking for the bad. I'll even intentionally excuse the bad. "Well, sure, my cat spreads hear all over my freshly vacuumed carpets every night, but she's just doing it because she doesn't think a house is a home without a little cat hair." "Maybe she's just tired of shedding it all herself only to have it end up in the comb rather than marking her territory."

Nope. She's just nuts.

Ok, so you're still waiting to know why this is a flaw? Because few people do this. So I end up giving someone the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes repeatedly. And when it comes down to it, I don't get the same. I end up feeling betrayed. Hurt.

For awhile, I'll hide. That life will disappear out of my eyes while I try to deal with reality and the fact that there are people out there who do the opposite. They look for the bad and ignore the good. They read what they want to in whatever they see. They don't look at context. They dont' look at the situation and the won't take a minute to think about the PERSON behind the situation.

A human. With feelings and rash resonses to things. Regrets. Pain.


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