Friday, August 04, 2006


A matter of a few days. So much can change, it's too bad my love doesn't go away that quickly. I can try to protect myself with anger and hurt, but I'm not sure I'll be successful.

I read his blog this morning and tried to call him. As it was yesterday - no answer.

His blog seems to indicate that I am the one overreacting. Yet it goes on like it has in the past to excuse his stubbornness. Excuse the fact that he's reacting to past events that have nothing to do with me.

The problem is, there is no excuse for the way I've been treated. He knows he's not ready for a relationship, but doesn't make an effort to handle things differently when we're arguing. Knowing how damaging what he does is to me and the relationship doesn't seem to matter.

But I wrote the key words. He isn't ready for a relationship. He's still chasing ghosts from his past. Guilt, anger, hurt. Until he deals with that, he's poisoning our relationship, then blaming me.

I love him to pieces and this hurts like hell. But I deserve better. I wanted that to be him, I really did.

Take this week. I would've seen him tuesday. And that's it. One day. He denied it, but his blog says it all.

I just feel sick. And no, that's not the mono talking.


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