Sunday, July 23, 2006

Anyone need a crazy cat lady?

So. That's it. I've been dumped. My key left on my front step and the sound of his footsteps walking away when I couldn't bear to look up and watch him go.

Why? Because.

I thought I'd learned this once before, but I was convinced I was wrong. The fact is everyone is selfish. They're only willing to give what it takes to get what they want. And they put a value on everyone and everything. What that person or thing is worth in terms of what one needs to give up to have the desired person or thing.

In essense... there's a limit to the amount people are willing to compromise for you based on the value they see in you.

In my case, I was worth little compromise. Well, maybe that's not true. In the priority list of their life, I was low enough to mean that I got leftovers.

I've been dumped because I wanted to see my boyfriend more. I was told I wasn't willing to conform to the relationship. I work 8:30 to 5. I'm home from about 6pm. The guy I was dating worked 8am until whenever. Seriously. Whenever. I had no idea when I'd see him. Or when I did how tired he'd be or how much time I'd get.

He had his kids every weekend. Right now he and his ex are negotiating an agreement as he changed jobs and schedules. It was likely that out of that, I'd see him every other weekend.

He told me not that long ago that I should have a say in it because time with me mattered.

That was a lie.

Up until now, I've never had a real weekend with him. WIth his last job, he worked Sun-Thurs and had his kids Friday and Saturday until after 8pm. A real date with him didn't involve dinner unless there was extraordinary circumstances. I couldn't plan things for Friday nights or Saturdays. Well, a lot of cool stuff happens on Saturdays.

I've compromised. It's been 6.5 months. I'd hoped that in time I'd mean enough to him that when he dropped his kids off, he'd be happy to see me, rather than mopey because he wasn't with them. I'd hoped that I'd matter enough that a new schedule meant I'd see him more rather than less. That he'd WANT to see me more.

He didn't.

He told me when I got my flat fixed last week that he wanted to make sure I could change a tire so I got it fixed then put it on myself. He assured me he'd bring the tools over to make sure the lug nuts were tight enough.

Nope. I changed the tire this morning by myself. In tears.

I spent the weekend in tears because he decided I needed to be taught a lesson about my place in his life. Dead last. I get it now.

Here's the stupid part.

I was going to pay for him to go to vegas with his family.
I spent a night and a day with him when he rolled his work truck and alcohol was involved.
I stood by him when he got fired.
I was going to pay for the two of us to go to cirque du soleil because I wanted to share that with him.
I was going to pay for the two of us to go on the steam trains in Stettler. For a lobster dinner.
I suffered a lot emotionally because I'm fairly certain my parents didn't approve, yet I thought he was worth it.

For 6.5 months, I've compromised. I'd go ride with him in the truck until 2am because I wanted that time with him and I was willing to sacrifice the sleep.

I was an idiot.

But the good news for you, Robyn is I'm done dating. You can be smug in the knowledge you were right. Good on ya. OOOOOH and I lost two friends over this guy. But I'm the one who wasn't willing to compromise. Yeah. Right.

Reality is that I'm not the kind that fits in the selfish society we now have. I'm willing to give too much. And when I want something I get dumped.

Go me.

Go all of you.

Now piss off and leave me the hell alone.


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