Sunday, August 20, 2006

I am..... me.

It's simple. I mean, there isn't much else I can be. No one else I can be. I daydream and hope. I truly believe there is good in everyone...I'm rarely wrong.

I believe in fairy tales. Sure this lead me to kiss some frogs. I've since learned frogs aren't all that much fun to kiss and they don't change into princes. Toads.... well.... c'mon... I'd never kiss a toad!

I considered Sleeping Beauty. Who wouldn't want to be considered a sleeping beauty??? But the mortgage ain't gonna pay itself... no matter how much I could use the beauty sleep.

Cinderella? C'mon, me in a glass slipper? Let's consider this for a moment. I break a heel, turn an ankle.... do SOMETHING... and the next think you know - broken glass, blood everywhere.... not exactly conducive to fairy tales and happily ever afters.

So it's time to write my own fairy tale. An average girl who gets an average guy. No princes. No gowns. No long naps. No glass slippers. Nary an amphibian or reptile in sight. Some stars, laughter, tears, and a love that changes my life. I know it's out there.

In the meantime... I get a smashing bathroom. My cats get one of the most amazing people I know as their owner, groom, waiter, maid, etc. And my life moves on. A snail's pace at times, but maybe that's just a reminder to live in the moment - whatever the moment is.

Because I am amazing. No one gets to take THAT away from me.

I've learned that whatever happens, it won't kill me. I'm divorced. I've owned a few houses. I live a long way away from my family. I've lost loved ones and shed many a tear for those who matter to me. Tomorrow comes. Those who get me, are still here in my life. Those who don't get me, fade out and disappear. This was never so clear as Wed. night when I attempted to go to wings with the POF crowd. I've been...kicked outta the circus.

Life goes on. People come and go and overall, I've been incredibly lucky with the quality of people I let into my life. The exceptions... I let them in and I got hurt or dissapointed by it. I could shut down. Go into hiding. Pretend the world doesn't.... oh wait...that's why the bathroom reno. Well, that's my healing time. My meditation. My peeling away the layers on the onion. When it's done, I'll have a new me and a new bathroom.

And my heart will still be open. I refuse to change that which makes


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