Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Christmas part 2

Well, another Christmas over. This year, I never really felt the spirit of it. From a comment to my last post, I suppose I wasted a lot of money following through on a promise to someone I cared about - who cared so little he trashed what I gave him. Each gift had been chosen with a purpose, with care and with emotion. But typical of him, and as I should have expected, it meant little enough to him that it was tossed.

Odd. I still have poems written by the high school sweetheart who turned abusive. A card from my ex husband that he gave me when I needed a hug. And a card, song and other gifts from a valentine's day less than a year ago. My heart remains open and full of emotion, even after all I've been through. I know that those memories will always be precious to me even if the people and the emotion behind them are long gone. I continue to learn. About myself. About others. Yet I refuse to change.

But, I digress. Christmas part 2 is done. Christmas dinner with J, his family and his aunt and uncle. Playing tile rummy. Holistic healing. Watching game shows until midnight. Comfort. I didn't even miss my family as I would have in years past with T's family. I didn't wonder where they were, what they were doing. Wasn't even concerned with who was winning at Canasta, golf or 500. I was curled up on the sofa with a great man and his dog. Fitting in with another family where I've always felt like an outsider.

Today is Christmas part 3. Ma and Pa will be here shortly. Within a half hour. I suppose I should go shower and prepare for the shopping that lies ahead. J's gone to do some shopping with friends, realizing that my family is coming to see me and not necessarily him. Knowing that they want time with me alone to chat and gossip and it'll bore him to death.

This Christmas is different for me, but great. Who woulda thought I'd be happy to have no car?


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