Tuesday, October 31, 2006

too close to home.

Sometimes things are just too much the same. And not in a good way.

Fear. It sucks. He made me supper tonight.

Well. Fuck. Just talked to Mom. I'm SUPPOSED to go get a haircut this weekend. But... apparently the "family" has decided that this weekend is the one we're going to go through Grandma's stuff. So. Forget that I might have plans. Forget that I live 3.5 fucking hours away. If I want a chance to get something to remember her by, I have to go.

It's nuts. Apparently Grandpa wants to make sure Sandra gets what she wants but no one even gave me a second thought. My aunt and uncle are like vultures. They didn't even like her. Rarely came out to visit. I hadn't seen them for a Christmas dinner in years. Mom had to twist arms to get them to come out to celebrate my grandparent's birthdays. It was like the drive to see them was an inconvenience.

And what about me? I was closest to her. I don't even have any idea what I'd want that was hers. Didn't even want to think about it yet. Nothing will bring her back. I hurt. I cry when I look at things she's made me. I have trouble crocheting an afghan for my sister in law because Grandma was working on the same one. I made popcorn freakin' balls because of the memories.

What kind of people....?

What a crappy day. A rant. My family. I just...don't belong anywhere.


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