Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Being a better person

Tonight I heard something that I'd never heard before this year. And now I've heard it for the second time. "you make me want to be a better person."

Bitterness...baggage... made me want to call bullshit. I've been here before. Heard the same stuff. Am I nuts for believing it this time?

And here's something I've said before... he's what I'm looking for. Right down to the puppy and the red walls he's planning to paint in his house.

But...I've said it before. I've heard it before. Too fast. Too..much. Too soon. Is he ignoring reality? Am I? I've let down my guard in the past. Let someone in and paid for it. I trusted. I gave. I compromised. I got hurt.

I can't sleep tonight. Today was too much. I want to run and hide. And it isn't him. It isn't his fault. He doesn't even have a clue what he said.

Hurt. I need someone willing to be there. Someone who can put up with my drama. My emotions. My family. Someone who gets that I am who I am because it's who I am. And someone who loves that anyway.

When will the "honeymoon" period end? When will reality hit him? When will he, too, walk away?


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