Tuesday, February 06, 2007

The story of Someone.

So. I had someone, quite literally, add me to their MSN. Bizarre. One day I come to work and find someone has added me. I look at the email address and shake my head. I have a strong suspicion who it is, but click "Ok" anyway. I figure I'll get ranted at at some point - otherwise why the games with the new MSN??? Oh right, then after a rant telling me of some fatal flaw, I'll be blocked before I have a chance to say anything.

Now, at first I figured what the hell. I could use some entertainment in my life. Something for the blog, you know? So I gave "Someone" - yes, once added to my MSN list, the name was "Someone." How original and oh so tricky. Anyway, I gave Someone a day to get their rant at me done. clearly it was important that this be done through MSN rather than email or on the phone. Likely because it's easier to block the reply so Someone doesn't have to have their vision confused with reality.

There was no rant. No contact at all, in fact. Likely there was a moment in time, or perhaps too much drinking, that caused this person to go to the effort of creating a new hotmail account in hopes of abusing me online then disappearing. I'm not sure what was expected to be gained out of it. Perhaps on second thought - when I wasn't online for the immediate blast - Someone decided that it was better left unsaid?

It's odd. I've commented slightly on the situation here in my blog. Gave my reasons for it and moved on. I haven't said anything that would incur the wrath of Someone once again. I haven't contacted Someone. I haven't even been in the general vicinity of Someone. For the most part, I find the whole situation amusing at best and have no desire to contact Someone. Mainly because of the reaction to my decision and complete lack of understanding.

I knew when I made the decision I would likely lose a friend over it. I weighed that carefully. Then I realized that I shouldn't have to be concerned about it at all. A friend worthy of the title would understand. Maybe we could just call it a test then. The reality is, I would have felt much worse about the decision if the reaction had been a true friend's reaction - concern and understanding. The rant, the accusations, the flat out telling me that she should be more important to me than everything else in my life was off-putting to say the least.

It showed me what others have been trying to point out to me for months, if not years. The friendship had become toxic. It was draining and frustrating. Let's face it, the end of my marriage began the end of that friendship. She doesn't believe in divorce - imagine that. There was a time once when I shared that view. Oh that we could all be so lucky as to not make mistakes and be able to look down at those who do. I could say something about rocks and glass houses here, but it's so cliche. Over time as I moved on, she didn't agree with how and why I did things. She was quite insulting about it, in fact. Once again - not understanding at all.

Here's a tip: when someone is going through a hard time, the best way to be a friend is to be understanding and supportive. Insults and anger that the person isn't reacting as you want them to is hardly helpful. I know. That should go without saying. It doesn't.

She seemed to think that I know nothing about dating and relationships. Sigh. I've dated. I've had relationships. I was married for 7 years. I think I've got a handle on relationships. Considering that people learn best from experience, yeah, I know a thing or two. I even know what really does not work. I have some perspective on that. I know about moving in together. I did it once before. Yet she flat out told me that living together before getting married is the better way. Sigh. Guess what - my ex and I lived together before we were married. I know. Gasp. The funny thing is, she struggled with the decision to move in with him because she didn't want to before they were engaged. So, do I take her advice now? Or after something else happens to her to change her perspective again?

So, when I got divorced and began dating again, she decided to tell me how to do it. Um... been there, and I'm going to do it my way.

Now here's the funny part. She and I have had conversations about her relationship. Too many of the things she said are HUGE red flags to me. HUGE. MASSIVE. Everything in my being is screaming "oh my god, what are you thinking??????" And, yes, I said something. I'm sorry, but divorce is a soul destroying experience and if I can make someone think twice about making the mistakes I did, I'm going to try. She not only ignored me, but suddenly changed what she'd been saying. "Oh, he's not that bad," and "I didn't mean that." Sigh. I hope I'm wrong, but that light at the end of the tunnel for her is a freight train.

There are several bad reasons to get married. I know. Some examples are: I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone, no one else will have me, and he asked...what was I supposed to say? Add to that list a schedule. Anything you are doing because you feel pressured by a timeline you (or someone else) created when you thought 30 was the end of your fertility, your dating life, your life or the world is likely not being well thought out. Schedules and biological clocks help us rationalize truly bad decisions. Forever is a long time. Try to remember that.

Oh. Heh. Train of thought got seriously derailed back there. Where was I??? Oh right. Someone added me to their MSN. I gave 'em a day. Today, I've decided that I don't need to hear another rant. I was told that I wouldn't get a second chance to hurt Someone. The problem is I never should have given her a second chance to be in my life. Twice now she's ended the friendship for ridiculous reasons. My last email explaining my situation was replied to with two short, very rude words. If she has something to say to me, email is quite sufficient. Although I'm quite certain it doesn't have the same satisfaction that a long winded rant does on MSN when followed by the "block" button. So I blocked Someone. The amusement value isn't high enough to be bothered allowing her the rant space. It isn't worth having that in my contact list. It just isn't worth it. Block. Delete. Move on.

And the list gets shorter, the load lighter, my smile wider. Happiness is found by doing things YOU want to do.


At 11:51 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Excellent. The best post yet.

Obviously "Someone" is deficient in some quality of another.

You did the right thing.


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