Cube with a blocked view.

Bring on a new year!

Happy New Year's eve. Tonight looks to be much more subdued than last. No singles party, no hurt over another birthday/Christmas/new year alone. Last year, I woke alone dreading the day and even worse - the night ahead. I donned a red corset, black dress pants and went out to have one last fling in AB. I was leaving. Heading east. Bucking the trend and getting the heck outta dodge. I tried to back out of the party, but T wouldn't let me. She was going, I was going with her.

This year, I'm glad I'm still here. I woke this morning wrapped in a warm embrace, neither of us wanting to leave the warmth of flannel sheets. Eventually the dog and breakfast called and we braved the cold house.

I'll take down my tree with a smile this year. I don't have any regrets over the holiday season. No reason to hold on to it. Besides....bring on the new year. It can't be much worse than most of this year.

I loved. I lost. It hurt. I'm not ashamed to admit that. In some ways it still does, but every day, the fog of love lifts that much more and I see reality. There was nothing I could do to change the path he was on. I dated him because he was safe. I thought I'd never really fall for him. And in truth, I probably didn't fall as hard as I thought I did at the time. Yep, I got hurt.

I reno'd a bathroom. Painted my living room in funky colours. Lost my Grandmother. Wrote off a car. Gained confidence. Met the man I'd been sure didn't exist. I learned. I spent Christmas with a new family and didn't miss mine. I saw Parliament. I love again in a completely different, warm fuzzies kinda way.

I see that the time I demand from a lover is inversely proportional to the amount of time he wants to spend with me. This morning, I woke in his arms and enjoyed that, but once we both dragged our butts out of bed (extremely difficult with a heating pad making my sciatic feel warm and fuzzy) I came home to do laundry, clean my house and do some running around in that fabulous new car of mine.

My front entrance is clean. I wish I could go ahead and finish that last coat of paint, but somehow I doubt that is a great idea for the back. So I'll move paint trays back and forth while I clean. But I'll get my curtains fixed up so they hang properly. I'll take down my christmas ornaments.

Discovered something else I forgot to grab out of my car this morning - my snow brush. Not that it would've done a lot. The inside is what fogs up. But hey, at least I know it's clean. So, I'll go pick up a snow brush. some picture hanging stuff.

Tonight I say goodbye to a year of learning and self improvement. I say goodbye to my Grandma one last time. And I welcome a new year with someone who deserves what I have to offer. Someone who looks at me with a love in his eyes that still knocks me on my ass. Who knows what the year ahead will bring, but I wish everyone the best. I hope that my ex-hubby's problems get worked out in the best possible way for him. That my grandpa finds himself again. My family has another good year. I wish my friends love and happiness. And I hope my own little fairy tale doesn't end.

Have a safe and happy new year!

posted by Erin @ 11:33 AM