Cube with a blocked view.

Love.

Love has to be the most confounding concept in our world. We try to force something that doesn't exist. Or we try to ignore what does exist. We pretend. We lie. We protect ourselves. We hurt, we get hurt. We wander through life searching for love, avoiding love, or denying we need love.

One thing I've learned, you can't force it. If you don't love someone, you don't love 'em. If someone doesn't love you, you can't do a damned thing to make anything different. As I'm learning, you can't ignore love either. The emotion is there or not.

We can obsess over it. We can ignore it. We can pretend it doesn't exist. Hide our happiness or our hurt, but we can't change reality. Love is a feeling that isn't easily explained. It keeps us hanging on when we should've long let go. It gives us reason to drop our defenses and go after what we want. It makes us cry over sappy Christmas songs.

It causes family disagreements, untold disappointments. We dance around our wants, our needs. We do things for people just because. We buy fuzzy dice and send emails from distant countries. We smile more.

And...for my anonymous commentor... I don't mean Grandma is here with me. I mean she's somewhere looking out for me. Dunno what she's doing or where she's doing it. It's a feeling of calm I have. Serenity. She's working somewhere in my interest. I wish she were here. I would love to be able to talk to her. Hug her again. Talk to her. Instead, I just feel that she's out there somewhere being Grandma.

And nope, still haven't been drinking. It's bizarre.

posted by Erin @ 8:08 PM